New Zealand Toilets

In New Zealand, you're more likely to see and hear the word 'toilet' than any euphemism. Even in public places, such as restaurants and the mall, the word 'Toilet' is proudly displayed.

I was prepared for that. In fact, I think nearly every guidebook or travelogue mentions this. What I wasn't prepared for was how often I'd find myself pissing in a trough.

Yes, pissing in a trough.

Now, to be fair, I'm not talking about the kind of thing you're likely to find in a football stadium. It's not the kind of trough that actually looks like a small river has been diverted from the countryside to run through the bathroom on its way to power the waterwheel at a grist mill.

These are usually about four foot tall, aluminum affairs, reminiscent of the splashguard usually found on the wall behind the stove or a bit of modern sculpture from the lobby of an office building. I've seen them range from about four feet wide to eight feet or more, these large metal L-shaped urine channels. Typically there's a raised step, about four inches high and 10 inches wide that separates the trough from the rest of the floor.

And that's where it gets tricky. You see, I never know where to stand. Is one meant to stand on the little perch, or behind it? By the looks of the perch and surrounding floors I've encountered, I'm not the only one who lacks this essential bit of trough-pissing etiquette. To make matters worse (as if that was possible) I've encountered some troughs that have a foot-wide metal grate across them, followed by a similarly wide open area. So you have floor, perch, grate, opening ... all conspiring to make the distance between where one can stand hygienically and the presumed target, well, a challenge. I think NZ should give up its hopes of winning the Rugby World Cup and instead create a new sport which features pissing for distance.

Or maybe not. Maybe you're actually meant to stand on the perch and grate, in which case I'm left to wonder about the Kiwi male's ability to aim with proficiency beyond that of a 5 year old. And I definitely wouldn't touch their shoes.

Another charming feature of these troughs is that they don't flush. There's no water flowing through them and being water-use conscious, they are set to flush far too infrequently. (Even standard urinals typically lack a button to clear them.) I'll leave the effect of this to the imagination. (One hint: think horse barn.)

Restrooms in public places are almost certain to have troughs rather than urinals. I can accept that if I go to a park or the beach, I'll encounter one because they're less likely to be broken by vandals than porcelain urinals. However, I am amazed each time I encounter one in a mall, store, or restaurant.